Category: Choices

A Choice To Make – If you are not religious, skip this. I will not entertain any nonsense.

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I had the strangest dream last night. I tend to dream entire books, and odd things like showing up for an appointment late and in inappropriate clothing, like wearing my nightgown to the office. But this dream was different, because it was about a metaphor from the way we live life, and the way the Hebrews lived life in the shortly after the death of Moses.

All of us know the story of Joshua and the fall of the walls of Jericho. If not, here is a short summary.

Battle of Jericho – Story Summary:

The battle of Jericho featured one of the most astounding miracles in the Bible, proving that God stood with the Israelites.

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After the death of Moses, God chose Joshua, son of Nun, to be the leader of the Israelite people. They set about to conquer the land of Canaan, under the Lord’s guidance. God said to Joshua, “Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

 Spies from the Israelites sneaked into the walled city of Jericho and stayed at the house of Rahab, a prostitute. But Rahab had faith in God. She hid the spies from the king’s soldiers, and when the time was right, she helped the spies escape out a window and down a rope, since her house was built into the city wall.

Rahab made the spies swear an oath. She promised not to give their plans away, and in return they swore to spare Rahab and her family when the battle of Jericho began. She was to tie a scarlet cord in her window as a sign of their protection.

Meanwhile, the Israelite people continued to move into Canaan. God commanded Joshua to have the priests carry the Ark of the Covenant into the center of the Jordan River, which was at flood stage. As soon as they stepped into the river, the water stopped flowing. It piled up in heaps upstream and downstream, so the people could cross on dry ground. God performed a miracle for Joshua, just as he had done for Moses, by parting the Red Sea.

God had a strange plan for the battle of Jericho. He told Joshua to have the armed men march around the city once each day, for six days. The priests were to carry the ark, blowing trumpets, but the soldiers were to keep silent.

On the seventh day, the assembly marched around the walls of Jericho seven times. Joshua told them that by God’s order, every living thing in the city must be destroyed, except Rahab and her family. All articles of silver, gold, bronze and iron were to go into the Lord’s treasury.

At Joshua’s command, the men gave a great shout, and Jericho’s walls fell down flat! The Israelite army rushed in and conquered the city. Only Rahab and her family were spared.

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My dream picked up where the army had started marching around the city, with only the priests blowing ram’s horns. I was standing on a hillside with several other people, one of whom was a sort of teacher. As we watched, the people of Jericho stood on the wall laughing and jeering at the Hebrew Army. They were throwing rotten food and rotten meat at the men as the marched, but other than the priest’s noise, the Hebrews were silent and did not so much as look up at the wall.

I assumed this was the sixth day of the march, because after they were done, they all went back to their encampment and settled in for the night. While the people inside the walls were celebratory and such, the Hebrews still remained quiet. I asked the teacher if they knew what was going to happen the next day, and he said that some did, but most did not. However, they trusted that Joshua and God knew what to do, so slept peacefully.

At that point, I pondered about following God’s plan, even if it didn’t make a lot of sense. Soldiers are trained to fight, it must be a very frustrating thing to be prepared to do so, and yet being told to simply march and stay quiet. I know that every soldier I know would be frustrated at not being able to do what they are trained to do. Then, a metaphor sparked in my mind about how we, like the soldiers, often have to slog through miserable times, not knowing why, but trying, with all our inner strength, to keep moving – even if stopping and taking a different route would make us feel better.

Because we are trying to follow God’s plan, and not our own or that of mankind, we know we just have to keep going. Some of us will, but some will simply walk down another path because it is easier. They think that eventually they will go back to the path they know God wants them on, but what they don’t know is that the further they go down the path of man, the further they diverge from the path of God. The apex never comes back together and they will have to find a way to cross from one path to another – and that will mean a long hard battle across no mans land. Each crossroad will be a decision that can take a person further away or toward the main path, and those decisions will make all the difference in their lives.

The next day when the horns started blowing and the Hebrew Army started circling the city, the citizens of Jericho were on the walls, as usual. But when the army kept marching after the first time around, they sensed something was going to happen, however, until the army showed signs of a willingness to fight, they wouldn’t do more than throw things and jeer. After the seventh round, all of us held our breath as the great shout went up from the soldiers, and the walls fell, allowing them to enter the city and slay all but the prostitute and her family.

This brought to mind the issues of following commandments, even when it seems there is no purpose to do so. Everyone else is breaking the rules, and seem to get away with it on a regular basis, but if we break the rules, we will fail at the task set before us when we came to earth to gain our place in eternity.

I think the whole issue of, “it isn’t fair” needs to be tossed out of our lives. Nothing was ever said about fair, as each of us is supposed to be on an individual path. Since we are not competing against anything but ourselves, what does fairness have to do with anything? There are people in the church, however, who feel that they must qualify as experts in everything including how others live the gospel. You know them, the members who complain because things aren’t done their way, or the Utah way, or the way we have always done things. It is those kinds of people who drive off a lot of members with their constant criticizing and finger pointing. God sees us as individuals with individual lessons to learn, and individual paths to explore. Why can’t other members remember that?

At the end of the day, those who survive turn themselves over God and live His plan. Our obedience and willingness to take the harder road to redemption and salvation keeps us in play for our full potential being accomplished. Those of us, myself included, who wander from the road God set before us, just add to our difficulty by trying to take the short cut, or easy way, in life. And end up at the crossroads filled with peril and discordance with The Lord.

The adversary wants us to suffer that discord because chaos in our lives gives him power to overcome the rules set before us as children of God. He wants us to take the path of least resistance so he can put obstacles in our way, tripping us with every step forward. Although the path may look smooth, the pitfalls are well hidden until we fall. Strict obedience to the laws of God help us to remain strong within the perils of life. But straying too far will leave us unprotected and destitute in spirit.

In my dream, I stood with Joshua and his army on the hill over Jericho, seeing the thousands of people who had died in defiance of the laws of God, and the debauchery that brought about the downfall of the wall. That wall represents the Lord’s protection from the things that would harm us, it also represents how living with in it can tear away our decency and let us be burdened with blood lust and hate.

We must stand firm in what God wants us to do, follow orders, stick with the plan, and deal with the bumps and dips in the road before us, even if it feels constricting. We may want to do it the easy way, but there is no easy way, only God’s way and the adversary’s way. Our choices are what makes the path in front of us straight, crooked, or short. Are you obeying God’s commands, or are you doing to try to do it on your own? Make a choice.

Suck It Up Cupcake.

Posted on Posted in Choices, Habits, Rude hatful peopleTagged , , 3 Comments

Recently someone said I was condescending. Was I supposed to insulted? I meant to be condescending and sarcastic, that was the whole reason I said what I said. I have come to the point that I often wonder if I am so callused that I don’t care if people try to insult me, or if I am so senile, I think it is a compliment. Or both, maybe, sort of.

I used to be a doormat, really, I was always worried about how people saw me, afraid of offending someone, and very insecure in my own intellectual abilities. It took being able to make a fool of myself on purpose to break that prison. You see, in Cub Scouts, you don’t get to sit aside and tell boys what to do, you have to show them, or they will find alternative ways of using the items you give them. And those are generally a way that starts a fight, get someone dirty, wet, or both, or end up with someone having hurt feelings.

In the name of control and peace a Den Leader and other leaders have got to be willing to do exactly what they boys are expected to do, only add in silly things like The Bear Goes Over The Mountain, and John Jacob Jinglhimer, Schmidt. Then as a trainer of leaders, I had to teach them how to be goofy. So, after all that, I stopped being a doormat.

I found, after going back to college at the age of 36, that I was a lot more intelligent than I thought I was, resulting in doing a Happy Dance when I graduated in the top ten in my class. All in all, that confidence brought out the strength in me to stand up to just about anyone. And, as I aged, I stopped caring what others thought of me at all. There are so many other things to think about and worry about than something that inane.

Here’s the deal, though, a confident person has to be willing to expect others to be intimidated any time they stand up for their believes, thoughts, ideas, and opinions. By stating, even without undo emphasis, any of those, people tend to automatically bring their defenses to the forefront to hide their own insecurities. If one is factual and can prove his or her point, that tends to make people call names, like condescending, know it all, smart ass, and it degenerates from there into the mediocrity of banal swear words and accusations.

Once, when I was in my mid twenties, I went to a party with a friend. We were waiting to talk to the hostess, who was engaged in conversation with a very loud, demanding female. After seeing us waiting, she turned on us and nearly shouted, “If you want to say something, speak the hell up instead of standing there like a couple of idiots.” My friend nearly fainted from all the hostility thrown at her, but it just annoyed me enough to step out of my comfort zone and say in my most Southern Belle voice, “With all due respect, I was taught never to interrupt my elders when they were talking, but to wait until I was acknowledged before speaking,” I think I insulted her, because she turned as red as a strawberry, gasped like a hooked fish, and stomped off. Just as I was getting ready to apologize to the hostess, she hugged me and thanked me for running the obnoxious female off. I was told that the female had just taken a course in female communication, or some such hippy dippy feminist nonsense, and she was over doing the part about speaking up of oneself.

Now I can see speaking up for oneself, I think we all should be able to do that, regardless of gender etc. Taking ages for people to truly master, Communication is a learned talent, Because as all women know, and a few men, communication is more that words, it has to do with everything from body language to the tone one uses to say something. I think women can speak to each other and communicate clearly, however, communication between a male and a female is not always so smooth. That, not money, in MY opinion is what causes most issues between a couple.

At my age, almost older than dirt, I have the freedom to say exactly what I want, when I want, how I want, where I want. While I can do that, I still have a strong base of common sense and proper behavior in public that keeps me from saying too much that might be out of bounds. (I wouldn’t sing, O What A Beautiful Feeling at a funeral or anything., there are limits.) However, I am that old lady to stares down rude children, insults and laughs at the idiotic teens who think they are so cool and different, when they are just like we were, only in uglier clothes. And I use sarcasm around holier than thou adults who pontificate to the point of inaccurate information and emotional overload to prove they are right and everyone else is wrong.

I have to say I do get a kick out of tweaking (not twerking, people, read the word) someone when they become so far off base as to be part of the lunar landing site. And I love to poke holes in someones favorite theory or particular cause and take things to the farthest level of inaccuracy, just to get a rise out of them. There is nothing more satisfying that bringing down some patently vociferous bellowing intellectual to the level of mediocrity that is his or her true domain. Those that spout the same tired theme of a particular party or group leave themselves open to an incredible amount of sarcasm and gentle educating that is loads of fun for me.

My point, I guess, is that as I get older I flat out do not give a flying flip what others think of me, and when someone starts trying to insult me, all I can do is laugh at them for their silly insecurities. There are, however, a few things that I won’t tolerate. Do not insult my family, my religion, my country, or anyone who has served in the military. The values I cherish are all wrapped up in those particular people and things. I do not find it amusing to see anyone insult a veteran, and heaven help you if you insult my country or dishonor our flag. Not that you would be hurting me, but you do not hurt that which I love and cherish. Ever.

Anyway, to the guy that called me condescending, you really need to reel in your insecurities and learn to use facts to back up your statements rather than emotions. In the vernacular of common mediocrity, get off your hissy fit high horse, and grow some cojones so you can at least pretend to be a man. And yes, that was condescending and sarcastic. Suck it up cupcake, no one likes to listen to a whiner.

Historical Generalities Bother Me.

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I was in a debate of Facebook the other day about the current race war being perpetuated by the current political climate. Several of the commentators stated inane things like, ***White people are the cause of war and have been since the earliest times. It is the Western culture that is behind all the race warfare. White people always think they are superior in their culture. And so on. (***paraphrased to avoid charges of plagiarism.) Because I really do not like the all inclusive “always” when discussing culture and warfare, this is my response to the inability of the commentators for using such a broad brush to paint all white people (whatever that means, as genetically diverse we are despite skin color).

1. People in the Middle East, in fact, all over the world, were killing each other long before the “white race” gained any power anywhere other than their own back yard. It is within the make up of humans to fight over the most, best, pretties, strongest, of everything. In the Middle East, the Moors managed to take over a good part of Europe by warfare. The Arabs were one of the first groups to deal with mathematics, astronomy, science, medicine, and literature. Be that as it may, they fought over that part of the world from day one, and are still doing so, and still behaving like Bedouin tribal warriors. And of course, they are still fighting the Jews who brought the one God into their venue.

However, as with all great cultures, with the rise comes a fall brought about, generally, by man’s greed and unwillingness to cooperate, share, learn new things, and let go of the warrior behavior in favor of other ways of working things out. It isn’t going to happen, it didn’t when the Philistines fought with Judea, it didn’t when the Greeks went to war with Troy, it didn’t work when the Romans ran out of places to conquer. Over time the entire culture of Northern Africa and the Middle East became caught in the quagmire of human inability to hang on to knowledge. So much was lost in the name of war, and that was long before “white people” showed up to meddle.

Of course the infighting, inbreeding, and greed of those in any place of power knew their days on earth were always finite once they made their first enemy. Those that tried to protect knowledge and culture were often seen as the biggest obstacle in the way of those who wanted more power. While their early scholars were once revered and respected, it wasn’t long before they became either slaves to the whims of their rules or owners, or they were forced into fleeing the country. Except, of course, for the scholars who gave in to the greed right along with those in power. As usual, those of a lower class, different religious beliefs, enslaved, and disenfranchised as a people suffered the most. Just as they do today. And as always, since about 2000 years ago, it is the Jews that they want to suffer the most. Well, Jews, and Christians, and anyone who is an American.

2. Greeks, Romans, and all the other cultures around the Mediterranean copied the Arabic people in learning, or were taught it as slaves to the Arabs before bringing it back to their countries. The Greek rise to power, and the fall from the top, was pretty fast. The Romans, however, took warfare to the highest technological level of their time. Other than China, and maybe Japan, they developed warfare into a world domination. But they were felled by the savages from the north, the true “white people” that eventually took over the world. So blame it all on the savage Vikings and the Norsemen, it is all their fault! The loss of Alexander was the last hurray for the Greek push to conquer the world. Then comes the loss of all the knowledge collected in the great library of Alexandria, when Rome took over the world. Of course, to do that, they had to destroy that which did not merge with their idea of culture and polytheism. So they killed the Jews, and then they killed Christians to stop the spread of the one God. But, it didn’t work.

The Romans also spent a lot of time killing each other. Especially the ruling class of people. Again, greed, power, corruption, and a determination to end the life of anyone who was different infected the great armies of Rome. And, like all dictatorships, the most corrupt rose to the top of the scum and killed all that was great about Roman culture, knowledge, and political growth. The were slowly drowned by the quicksand of mediocrity, leaving only the Roman Catholic Church with the opportunity to grab power and then began the Dark Ages and the rule of power through killing knowledge and education.

3. African tribal groups are some of the most warlike groups in the world, (along with many aboriginal groups including American Indian tribes.) We see them as victims today, and some of them are, but back along they were vicious enemies who captured each other to enslave or sell as slaves. Women were treated worse than most cows (sounds kinda like Muslims today, hummm?). Northern Africa is mostly Arabic and Muslim from the beginning of the religion. And in Egypt they were polytheists, and still are within certain factions . Christianity, and Islamic religions and off shoots were equal for a while, but now it is the backward thinking Islamic terrorists who run things. And they are, without a doubt, very warlike. As Islam spread into middle Africa, it became a horror of starvation and warfare. It won’t end any time soon, and it sure didn’t start with “white people” turning up. No more that the Incas and other South American cultures were the victims of the “white people” over the centuries. They murdered each other, long before they were discovered by the outside world.

Today central Africa is filled with third world countries and slipping fast. No matter how much help the gullible “white people” give, or how much we educate the people of Africa, they still behave like tribal warriors. As such, it is clear that the influence “white people” have had on the development of Africa is minimal. They will take the technology, bastardize the religions and political ideas we share, but they still fight like the tribal warriors that they are. Adding the violence of the Jihad Islamic Terrorists to their inclination to kill everyone who isn’t like them, they have become even more fractured as a people. Leaving their young to bear the burden of losing their culture, traditions, and values as they are taught how to be prejudiced, racists, and fanatical killers. The hope for some sort of common compassion and decency is no longer viable in many places in middle Africa.

My point, gentlemen and ladies, is that mankind, humankind, will ALWAYS be at war over something. It is genetic, in our nature, to compete, especially the males, for dominance. It started when we were chest beating cave dwellers. It hasn’t changed much. Our weapons are deadlier, and our reasons are often no reason at all – such as the genocide of young black males via other young black males in places like Chicago and Washington D. C. But the same reason for most war between people still come down to a few simple things. Politics (Ruling Power). Religion (My god is better than your god, even if they are both the one God). Greed (I deserve everything you earned and I am taking it). Land (I need more dirt and your’s looks good). Riches (I want more, more, more and I will do anything to get it, anything). Entitlement (Because I am the greatest and I deserve it). So, all the twaddle about one race being the instigator and perpetual cause of all war is simply unsustainable in the light of history of mankind. I suggest studying history before throwing about the whole issue of race and skin color being the driving factor of any sort of warfare. It is much more than that. To that end, I offer a bibliography for your pursuance at leisure.

The History of the Ancient World: From the Earliest Accounts to the Fall of Rome  Susan Wise Bauer

1177 B.C.: The Year Civilization Collapsed: The Year Civilization Collapsed (Turning Points in Ancient History) Eric H. Cline

The Science of the Dogon: Decoding the African Mystery Tradition  Laird Scranton (Author), John Anthony West (Foreword)

Babylon: Mesopotamia and the Birth of Civilization  Paul Kriwaczek (Author)

Ancient African Civilizations: Kush and Axum Hardcover – by Stanley Mayer Burstein (Author, Editor)

Europe Between the Oceans: 9000 BC-AD 1000 Paperback – April 26, 2011 by Barry Cunliffe

Lost to the West: The Forgotten Byzantine Empire That Rescued Western Civilization Hardcover by Lars Brownworth  (Author)

The Last Days of the Incas  Kim MacQuarrie (Author)

Egypt, Greece, and Rome: Civilizations of the Ancient Mediterranean Paperback  by Charles Freeman  (Author)

Perspectives from the Past: Primary Sources in Western Civilizations: From the Ancient Near East through the Age of Absolutism (Third Edition) (Vol. 1)

Norse Warfare: The Unconventional Battle Strategies of the Ancient Vikings Hardcover –  by Martina Sprague 

Vikings Hardcover – February 9, 2001  by Hazel Mary Martell 

Viking: The Norse Warrior’s [Unofficial] Manual Hardcover  by John Haywood 

They Came Before Columbus: The African Presence in Ancient America (Journal of African Civilizations) Paperback – September 23, 2003  by Ivan Van Sertima 

It Isn’t A Tragedy

Posted on Posted in Choices, conversation, Friendship, WomenTagged , , , , , , , 2 Comments

I over heard a conversation this morning between two women. It left me a bit gobsmacked and annoyed. It seems these two women have a mutual friend who had a kidney transplant via a relative. One woman said it was such a tragedy that their friend had to have a transplant. They went on to talk about how everyone needed to make allowances for her erratic behavior, and that she should be treated carefully as she recovered. After all, with someone else’s kidney in her she would never be normal.

I thought, “Tragedy?’ Not to me, it isn’t. That woman will live a long healthy life, she is not an invalid, she is not helpless, she is the product of the miracle of medicine and blessings. How can that be a tragedy? They acted as if having any transplant was something no one would ever want. What?

Tragedy is something that cannot be controlled, stopped, or overcome resulting in either an end of a life or constituting a complete change in circumstances for a survivor. Tragedy is losing a new mom to childbirth. Tragedy is a child with incurable cancer. Tragedy is a wounded warrior who has lost limbs, sight, ability to walk, or suffers brain damage or mental illness from serving in the war. Tragedy is a teenager committing suicide. Tragedy is a plane crash that kills 300 people. Tragedy is an old person freezing to death. Tragedy is the mentally ill on the streets of the country when they belong in a safe institution where they can be cared for, instead of suffering the effects of cold and heat, and the lack of food. Tragedy is losing someone to addiction to drugs or alcohol. Tragedy is having a funeral for a twenty year old girl whose death was sudden and unexpected. Surviving a kidney transplant is not a tragedy! It is, instead, an opportunity to celebrate a new and continued life!

What those well meaning women are doing is placing their friend in a box labeled perpetual victim. In pandering to her, giving her excuses for bad behavior, and creating a tragic attitude around her, they are making her weak, mentally, physically, and emotionally. In refusing to celebrate the miracle that her life is, they want to demean it. That isn’t friendship, that is an attitude of superiority. “Poor little thing, she will never reach her full potential,” one of them stated. The other agreeing and doing the Southern thing when faced with perceived tragedy, shaking her head, and murmuring, “Bless her heart.”

I don’t get it. I really don’t understand their attitude, especially treating her as if she is fragile and unable to cope with surviving. She isn’t one bit more special than anyone who has survived a horrific illness. Instead of encouraging her to be helpless, they need to stand behind and beside her as she moves forward into a strong, healthy life. Instead of lowering their expectations for her life, they should be the best of cheerleaders, celebrating each and every milestone in her recovery. And, the last thing they need to be doing is enabling helplessness. I repeat, she is not an invalid. The only tragedy in her life is that her friends see her as a victim who will never be normal instead of a survivor.

The Fat Lady Needs To Exit Stage Right, Now!

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Over the past four years, I have lost 168 pounds and change. Yes, I feel better, have more energy, look better, and enjoy my grandchildren more. However there are a few drawbacks that never occurred to me before hand.

Skin. Losing weight, even as slowly as I have, leaves a lot of saggy, ugly, rumply skin. Bat wings for upper arms, skin that sags down from thighs to knees, and it just keeps on going long after I stop moving. Totally gross, totally embarrassing. And wrinkles are much more prominent too. I always had a smooth face, now I have wrinkles that I never had before. The upside is I look a lot thinner, the down side is learning a whole new way to apply makeup – when I bother that is.

Clothes. For years, like most fat women, I tried to hide my weight in baggy clothes, ugly dresses, and lots of jeans and t-shirts. Underwear was pretty much limited to grannie panties, and because I am rather well endowed up top, very boring super strong support white bras. Now, I nearly have a panic attack when I go into a store to buy clothes. I have gone from a size 28-30 in Women’s (that means fat lady clothes in girl code) to a size 14-16. But because I still have the well endowed parts to contend with, I get a larger size top. I don’t like tight clothing, it generally shows every lump and bump, cellulite, and muffin top on a fat lady. But, I find if I get looser clothes, they fall off me, which can be horribly humiliating if it happens in public. Oh, and shoes. Did you know that when you lose a lot of weight your shoe size gets smaller? Neither did I, but I have had to replace a large portion of my shoes lately. I’ve gone from a 8.5 Wide to a size 7 average. How freaky is that?

Temperature. I have long passed menopause, but temperature change really causes me issues. If it is cold, I freeze when the same temperature in my fat lady stage didn’t bother me at all, because I was always too warm. I forget about that and pay for it by shivering constantly. Wind also has an effect on me. I used to relish the cool wind, not so much now. Besides, I actually got pushed hard enough to almost fall the other day. I am so used to being sturdy enough to stand up to anything up to about 40 miles an hour winds. Now I just feel cold and like a wimp. Heat still makes me miserable. I hate hot and humid climates, but I don’t get miserable as fast as I used to, and can actually stand hotter weather than before.

Hair. I have always had rather thin hair. Now, because I am healthier, stronger, and I actually take my meds and vitamins every day, my hair is thicker. So I have had to learn to change my whole regime while washing my hair. It is hard to break a habit of over 30 years. I keep heading for my old shampoo and conditioner when I simply do not need that brand any longer. It is, well, annoying to have a routine totally changed.

Food. I didn’t have surgery to lose weight. I became very, very ill. Even the doctors didn’t think I would pull through. Fooled them. Wasn’t my time yet. Anyway, I used to crave sweets, sodas, carbohydrates, and fatty foods. I could eat a full meal at any restaurant in America. I was always hungry, and I used food as my drug of choice to cope with life. Now, food – eh – whatever. I don’t often eat every day, and I rarely have more than one meal a day. I make it a policy to eat only half of what is on my plate when we go out to dinner. Because half of a serving is a bit more than a serving for one person should be. The standard meal is FAR too much. At least it is using American sized servings.

Attitude and Mood Swings. I have never been so easily angered as I am now. Part of that is hormonal because everything is still out of whack. But a lot of it has to do with my attitude. While I have never been one to be a door mat, I would often allow my feelings about being fat make me want to stay in the background and unnoticed. Today, I am pretty much one of those old ladies who says what she thinks and devil take the hindmost. Whereas, I used to stay quiet, I am now more than willing to debate and do verbal battle with those who oppose my stance on everything from politics to dealing with bratty kids. So, on one hand, I am dealing with moodiness, and on the other I am dealing with trying to shut the hell up and stay out of trouble. Not doing too well on either issue.

The up side to weight loss is better health, the downside is that my entire lifestyle had to change and catch up with my body changes. I sometimes don’t recognize myself in the mirror. I sometimes think that I am fooling no one, and the fat lady still resides in my mirror and every one knows it but me. I sometimes feel overwhelmed with the way everything changed and continues to change as I keep losing weight.

I guess, because I can spot a phony a mile away, and because I don’t suffer fools gladly, that I tend to step back from every compliment. Like most fat ladies, people would compliment me on my eyes, color of my clothes, hair, but never say I was pretty. Now, folks do say I am pretty, but the fat lady hasn’t sung and exited stage right just yet. I really wish she would shut the hell up so I can get on with who I am becoming. Hateful cow.

“Inaction is not an excuse for failure to thrive.”

Posted on Posted in Choices, conversation, Driving, Family, Friendship, Grandchildren, Habits, History, loss, Marriage, passions, TravelTagged , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

“Inaction is not an excuse for failure to thrive.”

I’ve noticed lately that a lot of people my age tend to simply stop. They stop doing fun things, they stop being involved, they stop thinking and growing intellectually. They just stop. Then they sit about and complain about how boring life is, how hard it is to do things they used to do, how much they wish they had done such and such before they got too old. They are failing to thrive in the late years of their lives. And there is no excuse for that- period.

I know, things are a bit harder to do when knees hurt,backs don’t want to bend, and the body gets tired much easier than it did at the age of forty. We all have to slow down,but that doesn’t mean we have to stop. It may take longer, but there is no reason not to at least try.

Years ago there was a movie entitled Cocoon followed by another, Cocoon Returns. If you haven’t seen them, I suggest watching them at least once. It starred a lot of “stars” who were getting quite elderly. All stuck in a nursing home, waiting to die, fussing at one another, etc. Until things change due to a visit from the aliens. Look, I know it is really a sappy story, but what I loved about it was the willingness of almost all of the elderly folks to embrace that which was different. If their youth didn’t return, their joy for life certainly did. And, at the end of the day, their inaction became action, and their lives infinitely better.

Another movie I loved was Driving Miss Daisy, a stellar performance by one and all. Again, another character that defies the tendency to just sit down and stop. Fried Green Tomatoes is a fantastic film. Kathy Bates and Jessica Tandy were great together and the flashback between Mary-Louise Parker and Mary Stuart Masterson is equally dynamic. At the end of the day, we are still not sure which woman Jessica Tandy was as the elderly friend of Kathy Bates. Ambiguity saturates the film, while turning Katy Bates’ character from a meek doormat into a woman filled with confidence. And, of course, the character played by Shirley Mclaine in Steel Magnolias is just like I want to be when I get old.

I see many older folks off and doing things all over the world. They travel, explore, serve missions of compassion – regardless of sore knees and aching backs. They move, act, and they live every minute of every day. That is what I want to do too.

When our youngest son went off to college, my husband and I decided to work our way around the world. Eight years later, we finally returned to the US. As we were raising our granddaughter, she went right along with us. We lived in London, Hong Kong, and New Zealand, and only came back to the US due to health issues and the awful Socialized Medical care in NZ. We traveled all over each region and were enriched many times over by our experiences.

But I was in my forty’s when we did that. Now I am sixty, and it is going to become more difficult to do some of the things we did. So, we chose other things to do so we could travel. A cruise or four, a road trip across the US, and our big adventure this year is to travel across country by train. I don’t hike for miles any longer, but I sure can sit and enjoy the view from the train.

So there is no excuse not to thrive, people. Just get up, take a few steps, find a hobby that fulfills you, volunteer as a surrogate grandmother to rock babies at the hospital. Volunteer at the schools or libraries to help kids with their reading skills. Go help out a nursing home if you have a talent like playing the piano. There are a multitude of things you can do to overcome the lack of inertia and sedentary inaction. For me, being with my grandchildren is one of my greatest motivators. I write, I hang out on social media sites, I keep up with friends and work on my family history, and I am planning on taking art lessons. I have always wanted to learn how to paint. That will be so much fun!

So, you are old, so what? Inaction is not an excuse for failure to thrive. Just because your body is starting to creak and moan, it doesn’t mean your brain isn’t functioning. (Unless you have a serious condition, of course.) With all the medical miracles out today, most of us will live well into our eighties or nineties.

I have a friend who is ninety-eight. For the several decades, she has traveled the world following the performances of the operas of Wagner. All on her own, she would jump on a plane and off she would go to Italy, France, Germany, or any place in the world that the operas were being performed. What an amazing lady

who just kept on going like an Eveready Battery. She is running down now, but she is still in control of her life and decided to go home until the end of her days. It is heartbreaking, but at the same time, what a life she has had! Even now, she keeps busy with doing her family history and chatting with her friends and family.

Even if you are homebound, unable to walk, unable to drive, so what? There are a million things you can do to keep your brain healthy and busy. Never just stop and wait to die. We all have a finite amount of time here in this life. I could spend it worrying about death, or I can just get on with living while I am still here.

The more we let inaction rule our lives, the less likely we are to live a long life. Not just because our bodies need to move to function well, but because our brains atrophy at an alarming rate. Inaction is not an excuse for failure to thrive. But it is only you that can take that first step. I can’t wait to become a feisty old woman who says exactly what she wants to say about everything.

Come on people, get up, find a cause, reason, purpose, or passion to fill your life. Go on!

 

Valentine’s Day Morons.

Posted on Posted in Choices, conversation, ParentingTagged 2 Comments

Most old people say, “Kids today,” then add something along the lines of how WE never behaved in such and such a way. I always told myself I wouldn’t do that. I lied.

I was in Wally World this afternoon because we were out of milk and a few essentials. As I was walking down the main aisle, two boys between 10 and 12 ran out of a side aisle and nearly knocked my shopping cart over.

After making sure no one was hurt, I told them in my teacher voice, “Guys, this isn’t a playground and not a place to be running like that. Especially since it is so crowded.” They glared at me. No apology, nothing as they kept right on running.

Their mother came up to me, all puffed up like a ticked off hen, she said, “ How dare you discipline MY SONS! They are just being kids! You have no right to correct them, or say anything about their behavior. I am their mother, that is my job.”

Inside I was really pissed off. But I calmly said, “Well then, honey, you ought to act like a mother and teach them how to behave in public and teach them some manners while you are at it.” OK, snarky, but heck, I didn’t even raise my voice to the brats. Geesh!

The woman got right in my face, “WHAT DID YOU SAY?” “Oh,” I returned, “Not only are you a miserable failure as a mother, you are also hard of hearing if you have to shout at people. Or, perhaps, I used words that were too large for your limited vocabulary.” Still keeping calm outwardly, I was seething inside. Several people gasped at my comment, several more snickered, and a few laughed right out loud. Sarcasm, in the South, is best served by using a sweet, bless your heart, voice.

About that time, one of her kids came running back, and hid behind the old hen. Right behind him came the security guys. I made eye contact with another mother, and she just rolled her eyes. I didn’t stick around to find out what happened, but for security to chase him down he probably did something bad enough to get into big trouble. If his mother didn’t try to protect him, that is.

Why is it that parents are so afraid to parent their children? What happened to teaching kids basic manners, correct behavior for the situation, place and time? When did it become acceptable to get in an elders face and and scream at them when they simply ask kids to stop running before they get hurt? Maybe it is because I am old, or maybe it is because I was taught by parents who could put the fear of God in me when I acted up, but honestly, if I had ever behaved that way, not only would my mother warm my bottom up, I would get a lecture from my dad that would make me cringe. Those kids will probably have a car accident – heaven help other drivers – and even if they killed someone, she would make excuses for their behavior. Not their fault, after all, they are just kids being kids. Gag a maggot that excuse really ticks me off!

So, after fighting my way to the check out area, I got in a long line just like everyone else. As I stand there, the twenty-five-ish woman in front of me was picking up magazines and flipping through them. Putting them back in the wrong places, and every time the cart in front of her moved, she just stood there flipping through the magazines. Meanwhile, the distance between her and the cart in front of her was getting larger, large enough for someone to ask if she was still in line. She got a bit huffy, but moved up. Then started all over again.

I asked her if she wouldn’t mind moving along, as people were waiting to check out. “Besides,” I told her, “if you want to look at the magazines, perhaps you should buy them and read them at home.” “I ain’t gonna buy this $h*t, I just wanna look at ’em.”

“What are you, ten years old, little kids flip through comic books like that. A grown woman would at least have the common sense to put them back where they found them, or have the decency to actually purchase them. And keep up with what is going on around her, so not to delay everyone with her childish behavior.” I got an eye roll, and she told me to go do something totally impossible. I laughed and did my standard, “Sorry honey, I don’t roll that way, but its nice to know that you fancy me.” So she called me a female dog, and I thanked her for noticing. She was next in line and started throwing her stuff on the moving belt, fuming. She was still holding one of the gossip rags, and when the clerk asked if she wanted to purchase that, she slammed it back into the holder and nearly took the clerk’s head off with the glare she threw at her. Couldn’t help myself, I snickered, and rolled my eyes.

So, finished with Wally World, we headed to Sam’s to get diapers and such. I was wandering about looking at summer clothes and sales for Addie. I came around one rack, and a woman cut me off and got ahead of me. “Eh, so what,” I thought. But the woman just stopped right in the middle of the aisle, and started looking at those trousers all the little girls are wearing with the ruffles on the bottom of the legs. I think they look like clown clothes. But,I digress.

I waited patiently, I couldn’t get around her or her basket unless one of them moved. I finally asked her to let me by. She gave me the most hateful look, and ignored me. I waited another five minutes, by my watch. I couldn’t back up and turn around, there were people behind me. So I asked her to let me by again. She glared again and proceeded to ignore me AND the folks behind me. Eye contact and eye rolls were exchanged between us. I figured that if she could be that rude, I would serve hear a slice of her own hateful pie.

I reached out, took hold of her cart and pushed it out of my way, and moved in front of her. Again, with the swearing and the F word and the female dog word. I stopped, looked her dead in the eye, “If you insist on acting as if your are mentally disable or so ignorant that you don’t recognize a polite request to get your fat ass out of the way so others can get past you, then you should expect to be treated just as rudely in return.” Again, with the female dog word. “Thanks for noticing, I wouldn’t want anyone to think I am a push over or a door mat.” Again, I was told to go, well you know what, myself. “Nice language coming from a woman your age. Didn’t you go to school, read a book, or learn how to speak like a proper grown up person?”

They guy behind me walked past and leaned over to me. “Ma’am, there are just some people who ain’t got the sense God gave a tree, and they are stunted from growing in the wrong place. She can’t help it that she is stupid and rude, she don’t know no better.” Before I could come back with a response, she told him to do the same thing she told me. “Are you offering, sweetheart?” I thought she was going to turn inside out with indignation. She grabbed her cart and stomped off in a huff. “Hey,” the guy called after her, “Don’t go away mad, just go away, far far away to the land of the hateful.” I lost it and started laughing. “Good one.” He winked at me, shook my hand, and we both went our own way.

Must have been my day to deal with stupid people. Gotta love it that the guy got my sarcasm, most don’t. Oh, and the kicker is that he had to be at least 70 plus. Overweight, and not a pretty sight, he was sharp as a tack, and dead on right about people like that woman.

Too bad I don’t drink booze, I could use a glass of wine about now. Happy Valentine’s Day. everyone.Greetings

Shopping With The Husband

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Never take your husband shopping at the grocery store. Especially if he is hungry. One never knows what they will find when they get to the check out counter. It is even worse if we go to get groceries at Wal-Mart. Not only will odd types of food find their way into the trolley, but other things like tools, duct tape, smelly candles (that I can’t stand, but he likes), and the occasional packet of underpants will end up in the trolley too.

However, when we are in the grocery store together, I have a list, and send him off on explorations to find certain items. “OK,” he says, practically dancing, “what do I need to go find?” If he were a hunting dog, he would be salivating with excitement. “We need a loaf of French Bread. Not the kind in the regular bread aisle, but the Rustic French Bread from the bakery. Oh, and while there, check and see if they have any fresh hummus – the garlic kind – at the deli.”

“Rustic French Bread, bakery and hummus – garlic – deli next to bakery,” he repeats. Then heads off in the correct direction. I know that he will be gone a while, because he will get distracted before he ever gets to the bakery area, and once there, he will have forgotten what I sent him for in the first place. He will remember, bread, hummus – “Oh Look, CHEESE! Butterkasse, yummm.”  And when he gets back he will have the wrong bread, the wrong hummus, but he will have his favorite cheese.

Meanwhile, I will have finished with at least half my list, working methodically from one side of the store to the other. I take what he brought and send him off again. “Dish soap for the DISHWASHER, fabric softener, and I need some of those small paper plates.” “Dishwasher soap, Fabric softener, paper plates – small.” Off he goes.

I know, you see, that he will have to go past the automobile aisle, the office and craft aisle, and the miscellaneous household doodads aisle. He will get totally distracted the second he finds the light bulbs and he will spend ten minutes looking at stuff before he gets to the aisle that has all the cleaning products. Meanwhile, I keep on moving and filling my trolley. Eventually, he turns up, with Dawn soap, dryer sheets, and a huge container of paper plates, regular size – because they were cheaper that way. Along with light bulbs for our collection of about 50 packets already, super glue, some crayons for the grandkids, and a stapler – because it looks so cool!

The next things on the list will stump him for even longer. I am sending him after cookies, hot dogs, and a whole chicken for baking. Diabolical. Before he even gets out of sight, he is distracted by the magazine rack. He slows down and lets his body keep walking forward while his head turns as far as it can while he checks out the new computer mags. I know, of course, that it will take him forever to decide on hot dogs. He will end up with Hebrew National, but he won’t be able to stop himself from doing all sorts of computations to justify buying the most expensive hot dogs in the store. And he will end up with a few Lunchables for the grandkids. The cookie aisle will slow him down even more, because I know he likes Oreos more than any other store bought cookie, but there are so many more less expensive, and he will do the hem haw dance trying to talk himself into getting the Oreos. Then comes the chicken. A whole chicken. That means he has to decided how big, how much to spend, which brand, and by the time I am nearly through the store, he will come back with what I wanted. Sort of, anyway.

Then I send him off again for Ice Cream, get some for himself, and then find some difficult to find flavor for me. He will get Blue Bell chocolate chip for himself if they have it, and then end up with strawberry sundae for me from some off brand. (I actually feed this to the grandkids. Ice cream is ice cream to them.) While he is off doing that little chore, I put back the Dawn soap and get the right stuff for the dishwasher, I put back the dryer sheets and get the right fabric softener, and replace the paper plates with what I want. I keep his light bulbs, super glue, crayons, and stapler. I figure we can always us them some day. I end up getting the right French Bread, hummus, and replace on of his favorite cheese packets with one of my favorites. He never notices the different products when we check out, he is too distracted by the magazine rack.

Am I a horrid wife? Nah, just one who knows I have to keep him busy to keep him from putting odd things in my trolley when I am not looking. He is helping by staying out of my hair. It works. Really. Try it next time you have to take the husband with you. Just don’t forget about him and leave him in the magazine aisle, the store management really doesn’t like that at all!

Where Is My Phone?

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I have a love/hate relationship with my cell phone. I love to have it when I really need it, but I hate dealing with it most of the time. I am one of those people who lets the phone battery go dead, and forget to charge it for days at a time. I once managed two weeks of no phone until my husband charged it for me. I guess it makes sense, because I don’t like to talk on any phone these days.

I have an old AT&T phone that has the slide out keyboard. It doesn’t get on line, or do all the apps (Thank Goodness), but it does take photos, does texts, and, of course, makes phone calls. And really, that is all I need. My phone is small, light, fits in my pocket or hand, or handbag easily, and it still works just fine. I don’t see any reason to run out and buy the newest toy that comes out every year or so. I am 60 years old, why in the world would I want to try to watch television on a screen that is six inches wide?

We went into a store last night to check out a new program for our family package. Since my phone is old, and I bought it off e-Bay to replace my original phone, it is unlocked. Easy peasy, switch over. But, the sales girl just didn’t understand why I didn’t want to carry around one of those monster phones that also serves as a video player, music player, e-book reader, and does everything by touch screen.

First of all, I am married to a security IT guy. Paranoid doesn’t begin to describe how he is about security on all electronics in our home. After listening to him telling about what the FBI told him in a meeting on Internet security, I am a bit paranoid too. It is easy, super easy, beyond super easy to hack into a phone that has all the bells and whistles and gain access to all your information.

Second, I have issues with touch screens. Ask my family. They do not work for me. I touch the darned thing, it just sits there. I swipe my fingers in the right order, and it still just sits there. No matter what I do, or how I do it, the darned thing will not respond in time to answer a call. I had one of those for a few days, then I gave it to my granddaughter. I blame it on always having cold hands, but I really think that electronic things simply do not like me. My husband says it is because I zap everything with my electric personality. (rolling eyes here)

So, I finally convinced the 20ish girl that I really didn’t want a phone with all the bells and whistles, I quite liked my little old phone, and as long as it works, I’m good. Does that make me an old grumpy lady? I use tech stuff all the time. (Duh, I blog don’t I?) I don’t love every bit of it, but I am capable enough to make things work most of the time. (I do love my Kindle, saves on room, and I can carry around dozens of books all at once.)

However, I will probably forget to charge the phone, or I will charge it and leave it sitting on the table the next time I go out of the house. I keep trying to lose it altogether, but if I do, I will be stuck with one of those monster phones, or digging around e-Bay to find a replacement for it. See, love/hate issues ensue every time I bring up the subject of Where Is My Phone?

Have you ever wondered?

Posted on Posted in Choices, Habits, Uncategorized, WomenTagged , , Leave a comment

Have you ever wondered at the ads that keep popping up about different treatments to make you look younger, whatever? Why is it that most of them are from a “secret formula” especially designed by some scientist or dermatologist? I bet if we all got the list of the junk in them, they would all be pretty much the same. Then, they have the audacity to charge upwards of a hundred dollars for a 4 ounce jar of the goop. And women buy it! Are we all really that paranoid about growing older? Good skin comes from eating right, hydration, and genes. Don’t smoke, don’t drink to excess, and for heaven’s sake don’t do drugs. And go easy on the makeup, it clogs pours no matter how well you clean your face.

My sisters and I (four of us girls) always had nice skin. My mother didn’t allow us to drink soda, eat junk food, and we used good old Ivory soap and Jergen’s lotion to keep our skin in good conditions. I still use soap and water to clean my face, and I use an inexpensive night cream (Ponds) to moisturize my face once a day. Oh, and a sun screen anytime I am outdoors for very long. I’m not a beauty at 60, but my skin is still in good shape.

Anyway, there are no “secrets formulas” that out do common sense and practicality. I know, some suffer from the dreaded acne gene, but keeping your face clean is the most important part of dealing with that.  Photo is from waaaay back when. And the handsome guy next to me is my hubby.

couple 1971