Recently, I have been ill. I had a bad fall and ended up with cracked ribs and a badly sprained ankle. The doctors were kind enough to load me up with medication that stopped the pain while making it impossible for me to do anything more than hobble to the bathroom and kitchen from my perch in bed or on the sofa. When I get that loopy, the words tend to crawl around the pages of any book I want to read, so I end up staring at the television. I must say it is shocking how R rated the daytime soaps have become. I caught a quick glance while channel surfing for something worth watching. Holy cats! I didn’t know that sort of thing was allowed on regular TV!
I often woke up out of a drugged sleep in the middle of the night, and had to wait an hour or more until I could take more pain medication. I would flip through channels just to see what was on to distract myself. I have never seen so many odd things for sale in my life! And boy are the people selling the products enthusiastic about what they are offering the viewing public. Everything one could want for a kitchen, bathroom, house decorations, along with vitamins, jewelery, office organization, and get rich quick schemes blare at top decibel from the TV speakers. They even have stuff for pets ranging from keeping them flea free and well groomed, to training programs. Want to learn a foreign language? Just go on line or ring them up and they will fix you up as long as you have a credit card. Gym equipment and weight loss programs by the dozen are flogged by has been movie stars and muscle bound guys and gals to the tune of hundreds of dollars. Use their product and you will be magically thin, buff, and sexy. Doesn’t matter if you have the mug of a bull dog, you will be one of the beautiful people.
My family and friends were sympathetic about the misery I was in, but had to get on with life. So, I thought my dogs and cats would be understanding and fill in the love I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself. Dogs, while sympathetic at first, have short attention spans and forget that jumping in my lap, stepping on my foot, and expecting me to play tug of war are things that hurt me. After a bit, they wander off and take a nap, or find something to chew up. Cats, however, being the singular critters they are, have absolutely no sympathy at all. My job, after all, is to make sure their every need is met on their time schedule. The two mature cats just looked at me with disgust and went out to find their own food. The kittens, being young and silly, thought it was a great game to play chase me across, over, and around me. Not a problem until they hit my ribs and tripped me when I was using my crutches and carefully carrying a glass of milk back to the sofa. Come to think of it, they really enjoyed the spilled milk, so I think they were in cahoots with the dogs and they tripped me on purpose. The four of them had a nice snack after all.
One day it stormed, and I was shaken out of a doze by one huge half pit half lab dog trying to turn into a lap dog, the mini-pin was burrowing under the covers, and all four cats piled on the bed fighting for my lap too. Lovely, I get ignored until the sky booms and then I am the safety net? As the days wore on, the cats decided that it was cool if I was sitting still, my lap made a great place to nap. The dogs used my groggy state to sneak up on the furniture, and I think I fed them all the hot dogs by mistake, because they sure were happy to see me wobble into the kitchen on a regular basis.
I am glad that I am back on my feet. My mind is clearing, and I seem to remember that I let our 14 year old get away with stuff too. I don’t remember telling her she could wear black eye liner, but she swears I did. My husband got away with things too. I think he fed everyone mac and cheese for three days in a row, either that or the boxes grew legs and walked off. Next time I get hurt, I am going to stick with the Tylenol no matter how bad it gets. At least then I will be able to read a book, keep my brain working, and stay out of the fuzzy, woolly, world where word crawl around pages, animals laugh at me, and I don’t remember my own name.