Maybe . . .

Friendship is important to me. I have friends from all over the world, people I have actually met, not just people on line. I miss them, and I appreciate them, even if I don’t often say so. For the most part, my friends are wonderful, and I am so happy I have them in my life, albeit, distantly.

Every now and then, however, I make a mistake and end up with one of those friends who sucks the life right out of me. They are always needy, always wanting, always talking, and always have to be the center of attention in the relationship. They make me tired, and I know if I needed help, they would never offer. However, if they need help, and I am not quick enough to help, they will use everything from guilt to anger to get even with me. I have learned, the hard way, over the years that it is better not to have friends than have someone eating into my life like that.

I realized the other day that I hadn’t spoken to another adult outside my husband, Crystal, or Drew in weeks. (Making a doctor’s appointment doesn’t count.) Since moving to Mississippi, I have really gone out of my way to not to get to know people – women especially. I should be lonely, but I’m not. I should be feeling left out, but I don’t. I should feel isolated, but it hasn’t happened. And that makes me wonder why.

Maybe it is my age, I am comfortable with me, as I am, as long as I have access to books, computers, music, and my family. I keep up with my friends via social media, and letters, so I don’t feel lonely.

Maybe it is because I am too tired to make an effort to get to know people. When I think about it, I just can’t be bothered to go through all that social yada yada and make nice to strangers. I guess I want that feeling of instant recognition I had with those who are my dearest friends.

Maybe it is because people annoy me most of the time, and I am turning into the crabby cat lady that seems to live in every neighborhood. Because, I honestly think my pets need me more than most humans over the age of 16 need me.

Maybe it is because I don’t want to be friends with people who bore me, or worse, who are shallow and unsubstantial in their beliefs, actions, and thoughts. Heaven save me from women who shop, lunch, shop, do spa days, shop . . . I would go stark raving mad after one day with someone like that.

Maybe it is because I have the neighbors from hell with whom I have issues concerning their bullying behavior toward everyone else. The two of them are chummy as all get out, and try to force their idea of how things should be on everyone else.

Maybe it is because I just don’t quite trust the syrupy souther belle types, who bless my heart to my face, and treat me as gossip fodder when I am not there. Well, actually, they gossip about everyone who isn’t with them at the moment.

Or maybe, I just don’t care one way or the other. I think I should care, after all, humans tend to have that latent gene that makes them want to be part of a group. But I don’t care, and maybe that makes me a bit odd. Really, I would much rather read a book, be on line, researching, writing something, or spending time with my family that talking on the phone, chatting with people, or doing anything social. I guess I am turning in to the local crabby cat lady after all.

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6 thoughts on “Maybe . . .

  1. Well, I just had to do it. Sorry if I’m being a bit forward as we’ve only recently been inroduced, but my little blog was recently given a nod for an award and I wanted to pass it along to you. I understand if it’s not something you’re interested in – it can be a lot of work to accept, please know, I enjoy your blog and how much you put yourself out to our world.
    to see the award, you can go to: http://letterstorosa.wordpress.com/2012/10/13/october-rains-…e-lovely-award/
    take good care-
    Sue

    1. Oh , HOLY WOW!! That makes my day and then some! Thanks so much (gushing is not something I generally do), I am now a very happy camper!

  2. My great grandmother was like your ‘good’ grandmother, while my paternal grandmother was like your ‘not so good’ grandmother. While I am pleasant to people, and generally get along with most folks, I just can’t be bothered. I would, without hesitiation, help those in need, but I just can’t think of any reason to go out of my way to get to know the women around here. Especially the catty women from my church. I don’t understand how they can behave that way toward each other, but they are down right hateful sometimes.

    Like I said, I do have friends, many of whom have been my friends since middle school. It is always a delight to communicate with them, even if they live thousands of miles away. Like I said, maybe I should be worried about that, but I’m not.

    Last year was the lost year for me, after having three open heart surgeries and ending up with the loss of my sternum, some ribs, and having a huge hole in my chest. I nearly died, came very close several times. Not one person turned up, called, or offered help. At the time, I didn’t care, I was too busy just trying to hang on to life. And I really can’t blame them, because I was too sick to allow anyone with kids to be around me. For their protection from the horrific and very contageous infection I had, and for my protection from any kiddie infections they might be carrying around on their clothes. Anyway, during that time, I became a hermit. And I now I like it, very much.

    1. Hi Karron, sorry this took me a while to reply to – it didn’t show up in my notifications for some reason, but I felt there was a thread of conversation left loose, so came back to see how things had progressed, and here you are 🙂

      I totally understand how hard it is to be surrounded by people you’re not interested in engaging with. I had a couple of years when I was doing my post graduate degree and working in two shops to pay for it, and I found myself surrounded by girls who, frankly, cared more about fashion and impressing men than themselves or eachother. I couldn’t stand it. They literally mocked me for furthering my education, because they couldn’t understand wanting any more from life than hooking up with a man who would support them (even if they didn’t particularly like him) and earning enough to buy the new shoes they wanted. I completely withdrew. I get it!

      And when I moved to London I kind of maintained that attitude, but I’ve been here for almost five years now, and gradually, I’ve built up new friends. Ones who share my interests and views. Hopefully in time you will find some people who are worthy of your time and energy too. L x

  3. I can empathise… I’ve always been rubbish at putting myself out there to make friends. But I do believe you need friends nearby – people who would help you if things went wrong, and, well, so you don’t get left behind alone one day (morbid I know).

    I have two grandmothers who took very different approaches to friendship, and now have very different lives. One lives in quite a secluded area, with a nice small-tow community feel. She interacted with her community and made lots of friends in addition to her family and oldest and closest friends. She is an active churchgoer and helps local charities with fundraising, is friendly with the neighbours used to help the two oldest ladies on her road with shopping and chores. You can imagine what a great granny she is. When my grandad became sick her church group and neighbours gave her lots of support, and after he died they helped her out. She’s now one of the oldest ladies on her road, and doesn’t drive anymore, and now all these favours are being returned. Whenever I’m at her house people drop down for a cup of tea, she always has fresh flowers from somebody as a thanks for something, and she’s really loved by her community. These people aren’t the ones she loves, not her best friends or her family, but they are her support network and they enable her to stay independent.

    The other lives closer to my parents and was, frankly, never very nice to people when my grandad was around. Even her closest friends and sisters pretty much kept away because she’s a handful and bitches about them all as when they’re not there. I have a very poor relationship with her. But now my grandad has died, she’s completely dependent on my family and the two friends she could take or leave before. She’s demanding, and I know my parents wish they didn’t have to spend so much time catering to those demands. I can only imagine that her friends feel the same.

    I’m afraid if I hadn’t seen these polar opposite women in old age I would have been more like the second grandma (though maybe not so mean!). I would much rather stay at home with my husband, and I hate leaving him to see friends, but I do it because I’ve come to realise that they’re just as important. I’ll never be able to give as much of myself as my granny – she’s an inspiration but she’s just so good, I can’t imagine I’d ever be so selfless – but I would definitely rather try and head in that direction than the other.

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